just pulled this off the wikipedia, worth a laugh.

Abdul Majeed Waris

Soon to sign for West Ham[edit]
Will be unveiled as a deadline day signing for West Ham United in England. As he steps off the bench to come on for his debut against Huddersfield Slaven Bilic will ask him where he wants to play. He'll say up front and Bilic will play him at Right Back, a decision the player will later say ruined his career. Upon coming onto the field, he will remove his mask to reveal he is actually Carlton Cole....and the West Ham fans will go mental. Always believe. Tottenham Hotspur will soon after place a bid for him in the region of £30 million. Then Slaven will whisper sweet words of goodbye as Carlton (formerly known as Abdul) pops into a taxi to White Hart Lane

Dicks is the man's picture

we're linked with him on sky sports news. must say this is worrying. Sakho out for 9 mill and a journeyman to replace him who can't get into the ghana team ahead of 52 year old Asamoah Gyan…..whats more he's from the north of Ghana, so his 25 years of age is actually 63. why do we even take a look at this sort of crap.

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And to make things sound more exciting I heard he hasn't played since May plays in the French 2nd division and has trouble scoring goals. Wow we should be all over this, oh we are.

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moore2come's picture

Because it's cheap!!!

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Thats why...

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mcbikeman's picture

dont you realise we could never of afforded this kind of player until we moved into our iconic world class state of art athlet errr event stadi errr cricket aren errrr football stadium with classy scaffold seating..shame on you all for mocking this great club

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Dicks is the man's picture

I agree. this lad is mustard. the new maiga.

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burkie's picture

We haven't been the same since Carlton left

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moore2come's picture

Wasn't Maiga jam?

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What a bunch of moany old farts! have any of you even seen him play or is this keita balde all over again? Made me p@$$ myself laughing when every one was slaging him off as a shite player another zaza calleri just because they had no idea who he was... did u know payet before he came?? So what if asomoah gyan plays infornt of him the blokes a Ghanaian legend to them, don't know where u plucked his a journeyman from, and his never played in the French second division lol I really don't see why we have to be so negative and slate players we've never seen or know next to nothing about.

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As for cant score French league 1 is the highest level his played at and his stats are 29 goals 11 assist in 67 (5) appearances, not bad if u ask me. Not saying his going to set the world alight and he is a bit of a short ass but come on guys at least give the bloke a chance

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Dicks is the man's picture

but is our track record good for signing these sort of bargain basement foreign based players? i think the list of failures is pretty well known, this guys record isn't up to much at all. based on the news that sakho looks like he's going (well depending on who you ask), then this guy is nowhere near a good replacement.

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Our record full stop isn't great haha! But we don't do too bad with bargains the last 2 cheapish French players I can remember us buying were 2 I never knew, payet and diafra sakho (a second div player :P) tho I'd like to drop him from a very high hight, both had huge impacts when they signed. Not a good record? how many goals does he have to score I think his record is pretty good especially considering his a winger/forward so probably gets pushed wide through out a season. He plays games so yes his already a good replacement for sakho (2 starts 2sub appearances last season) lol not that it matters because I think we are interested in him more as a snod/fegouli replacement

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Dicks is the man's picture

ok mate, fair enough we will turn to you when he doesnt perform for a full explanation.

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Haha what a cop out. You completely won me around with your sound argument dicks, and u caught me I clearly said he is going to be our best performer so I'll gladly give a full explanation when it goes tits up. Quick question though .. Will I have to use facts logic reason or anything like that to explain or can I just make downer comments bassed on nothing at all then cop out aswell?

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Dicks is the man's picture

a dossier along the lines of the iraq war enquiry will suffice. ok mate?

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Aren't lorient in the second div this season. Fact he hasn't played yet I. Second div is splitting hairs a bit.

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I get what your saying but calling him a second division player is misleading and imply's that's his level. If Tottenha were to go down (I can dream lol) and Harry Kane doesn't play because his waiting for his transfer to west ham ;P would you describe him as a championship player?

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Ok true I mentioned the second div thing, but I wasn't really trying to portray him as such. My whole post was just a tongue cheek p1ss take as I mentioned in another post. Just a way to cope with how much mess the club has been in 2018.

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I get you red, and I do try not to dig people out on specific comments (other than dicks because he always refuse to have a reasoned argument with me and cops out, I miss the bloke who used to have his user name and would post 'we're going to destroy them!' every game and make arguments with some substance) I'm just feeling the frustration too, even the glimmers of hope i.e new players seem to get s#@t on before they've even signed.
So much for they reach the sky, of recent the fans are popping the bubbles as there blown!

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Dicks is the man's picture

lol. theres nothing more to argue. you say he's good, i said i think he's pants. where do we go from there? to the dance floor?

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haha!!! we haven't even signed him, have we!?

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Dance off!

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asheshammer's picture

CARLTON COLE is returning?

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Dicks is the man's picture

he never left….he disguised himself with a beard as zaza then snodgrass ..dont ask me how he changed his skin tone…all i can say is the man is darn clever.

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nevillenixon's picture

So that's why 'Snoddy' wouldn't shave!

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hammergirl's picture

probably the best player we got from france...of course we had to sell him soon as he started scoring I mean we couldn't have a player doing what we got him in for now could we

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