Quelle Suprise! Carroll Crocked Nearly Missed His Holiday

Drum roll, West Ham United’s new Head of Medical, Richard Collinge, is providing his update as the first team squad prepare to wrap up their pre season training camp in Switzerland, and all seems good. “All in all, the training camp has been a very productive one and the players have responded very well to the programme that has been scheduled for the first phase of pre-season,” he says. “We have had a variety of physical work, either side of the opening warm-up match against FC Winterthur on Sunday, with every session planned meticulously and the rest and recovery between training also monitored carefully. “The new players have settled in very well. Jack Wilshere has obviously been with us for just a few days and so has followed a slightly different programme, but he will step things up next week. “We have also welcomed back Marko Arnautovic during the trip, and Michail Antonio has been taking part in full training with the rest of the squad so generally things have been going well.” Collinge has enjoyed a busy and intensive start to life with the Hammers.

Unfortunately, it is not all good news on the injury front, with both Andy Carroll and Winston Reid having to return early to London after suffering setbacks in their respective recoveries from injury, which will keep the pair out for a minimum of three months each. Collinge said: “Andy played and scored in Sunday’s match but is still reporting some discomfort in his ankle and further scans have revealed that he requires some minor surgery to provide more strength and stability to the area. Now call it writers curse or whatever but we had only recently espoused the possibility that Big Andy would actually be fit at the beginning of the season for the first time in six years! His travel agent was wondering where his next rolex was coming from without his annual exclusive holiday booking for 'Geordie Boy' and his cute missus, I mean after all that's what happens when the footie season is just about to start isn't it? Big Andy gets injured!

Well at least that is one square peg that Pellegrini doesn't have to fit in to a round hole, but with "Winnie' needing to go under the knife as well, one can imagine that a certain Mr Sullivan will be sweating about the coffers of the club. Both Winston Reid and Andy Carroll had been earmarked for departure, their combined sales could have yielded around £20 Million at the least, which is about exactly the same amount as the 'black hole' created by the Club's near £90 Million expenditure assuming the Felipe 'Gone with the wind' Anderson transfer saga finally gets over the line.

It looks as if the January transfer window will be the time to sell both players, Carroll will be in the last year of his contract and will hopefully get moved on to a 'no reserve' purchaser who gets carried away! 'Winny' is a different story, he has a couple of years left on his good money contract and might want to 'fight for his place', unfortunately his inury record just keeps getting worse, partly due to his 'Maori Warrior' attitude, which while endeering to the fans is an approach that cannot be continued in to the twilight of a player's career without the risk of picking up an increasing amount of injuries as is the case with Reid.

Expect plenty of 'positive' recovery stories about the duo on the club's official website, but there will be more than a bit of Bernard Mathews in the sentiment of the coverage! - Ed
PS: Have been prompted to 'educate' those who aren't of a certain age that Bernard Mathews was known as the 'Turkey' Man, hence the 'preparing the players' ahead of The New Year reference!



Phew for a week I thought Carroll might get to the first game uninjured, glad to see old brittle bones won't be holding us back on the pitch for at least 3 months. Just pay his contract up and wipe this cowboy from our history. Rumour mill has started, both got injured returning from a night out after curfew. Then sent home as a result.

19 users have voted.
moore 6 legend's picture

Is Carroll allergic to football,anyway Sounds like a bit of positive news coming in.

18 users have voted.
asheshammer's picture

I'm gobsmacked. Amazing!

15 users have voted.
moore2come's picture

it's actually funny now. For 5 long years we've waited for this overpaid numpty to deliver and every time it looks like he might he pulls another sickie. Be done with him. Stop wasting resources trying to get him fit, let him pay for it himself, we've spent TOO much money and time trying to get him fit and it's proved beyond the best medical minds. Pay him out, stop wasting ours and everyone's time and let him go on a permanent holiday.

18 users have voted.

It's gone well past funny now moore2 but I agree whole hearted with the rest.

12 users have voted.
Burkie 1's picture

Wouldn't happen at any other club ,its a joke

11 users have voted.

Burkie 1

asheshammer's picture

retirement won't suit him.

22 users have voted.

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