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So having landed back in Blighty this morning after a lovely 10 nights in Mallorca, navigating the various wankers at the baggage carousel who insist on having their crotch as close to the revolving belt as possible (always ensure you smash your your case into the jewels with a "shit sorry mate" - always works) and then navigating the other type of cunt on the M25, we found ourselves home. The door slides to a plethora of unwanted mail. Frantically searching for house alarm fob whilst swearing at the kids the help and stop moaning (such a wonderful journey for all concerned) I was mildly surprised to see the weather had done its best to follow us.
The Mrs is obsessed with the washing machine (for reasons I'm too worried to explore) so that's slammed on sooner than I've checked the sky planner to make sure everything has been recorded as set - lions/glasto etc).
It's then that sanity prevails and we retire to the garden. Thoughts turn to dinner, much like G&S probably turn their thoughts to strikers after exploring their belly button fluff.
We can't be arsed with much. I'm certainly not bbq'ing, after an all inclusive that's seen me eat more meat than Jordan. We agree on cold meat and salad. Now like any man worth his salt, bread has to be involved when salad shows up. This wispy rabbit food shite can't be taking any glory in a fork. It has to be played in a secondary role, behind the main event (cold meat) and sandwiched between something sturdy (bread).
As is my brain, I deduced that lanzini is salad. However, he can't exist without cold meat and bread. Problem at the moment is that the salad is of incredible quality, but the cold meat is spam and only one side of the bread is cooked enough. Essentially, Lanzini is part of a shit sandwich.
We can bounce around names of strikers until my full spin has finished (which it seems is over 3 'kin hours) but it matters little unless they fit into our Argentinian magicians pattern. So I would counter all the striker arguments by just settling out brown eyed boys down with a nice 5 year contract, asking what toys he'd like to play with and nailing it.
He's that important in my eyes.
I tried to explain this to the wife but she insisted the washing machine needed another load. Don't get the attraction myself. Pass the mayo.
Malorca seems to be a hit
Malorca seems to be a hit young "only a few years married brigade" ,for some unknown reason they seem to flock their with their 3 and 1 year olds ,i new we made a mistake the minute the plane took off ,that horrible noise kids make when their ear drums are about to explode and then in the reclaim hall ,exactly as you say D H loads of irritable people jockeying for position around the rubber mats ,you wait and wait ,nothing ,you beging to think their havin a laugh and taken your bags to another airport ,then it happens ,those big plastic screens at the end open to reveal a twisted mass of tangled baby bugys ,please god let this ten days pass very quickly or else let this be a bad dream
What about "Hand Luggage"??
I always seem to get the geeza next to me who insists on the window seat & has every effing gadget technology can muster & can fit in his so called "hand luggage"....
Up & down like a bloody yo-yo,laptop,tablet,games console you name it,& to top it off he has a pair of action sandals on & stamps on your flip-flop covered bare feet!! next time i will not be responsible for my actions!!
As for a shit sandwich,spot on darren-nicely put!!
Love yer work Dazlah...Surely
Love yer work Dazlah...Surely he knows a few 'up for it' south americans who'd like the London Stadium...got a Zaza feeling about this window...and I really don't like it
lions beat the all blacks
there's sumpin fer ya DH. Great sense of humour as always; love the one about the fork. Giroud and Lanzini would work out OK; it's an open face with lots of condiments.