Tis the season to be jolly

Lets have a laugh boys lets hear some funny jokes.
Father asks his daughter to pass him his newspaper Dad says the daughter rolling her eyes people dont use them anymore you get everything on the ipad and passes it too him...the fly never had a chance:-).......ok thats got the tumbleweed rolling lets hear some more please

Burkie 1's picture

The Queen is on a visit to Broadmore mental institution ,when she and her entourage
Went out the back French doors and on to the stunning patio ,it was then she noticed the fantastic flower beds ,a man was busy hoeing the beds so she engaged him in conversation ," well" she said to him "imust say you do a fantastic job of the Flowers your wall flowers are just fantastic and as for your tulips ,how long have you worked here ? "He replied "oh I don't work here I'm a patient ,"she says " I don't believe it ,you seem perfectly sane to me ,"
"Oh I know that mam I've been telling them that for the last 25 years but they never listen, "I'll tell you what when I get back to the palace I'll have a word with my personal sectary and we'll see what we can do about getting you out of here ,we could use a good gardener at Balmoral ,"well that's very good of you marm" no problem "she replies,"well goodbye for now ," goodbye marm and thank you once again ."
With that she shook his hand and turned to leave ,she got about 10feet when a brick hit her on the back of the head ,she turned around and there he was" you won't forget now will you."

up
7 users have voted.

Burkie 1

nevillenixon's picture

I remember Dave Allen telling that one about 50 years ago!

up
7 users have voted.

"We need some support here cos people will think we are nuts!!"

up
7 users have voted.
hammergirl's picture

at the same time mr 65

up
4 users have voted.

For family viewing!! ;)

up
4 users have voted.
TimmyD's picture

Little lad in Santa's Grotto sat on Santa's lap. "And what would you like this Christmas"? "I would like a real live Unicorn please" the little boy said. A real live Unicorn? Ho ho even I can't get you one of those" Santa said. choose something else" The boy thought for a moment.. "Okay then, I would like my team Manchester United to finish this season in the top four and qualify for the Champions League". said the young boy. Santa replied "Right, what colour Unicorn would you like"

up
4 users have voted.
mcbikeman's picture

heard about the two queer ghosts they kept putting the willies up each other

up
5 users have voted.
mcbikeman's picture

Are being forced to walk across the desert and are allowed to take one thing with them the Englishman says i'd like a pot of tea the scotsman says a bottle of scotch the irishman asks for a car door just incase it gets too hot he can wind the window down

up
3 users have voted.
mcbikeman's picture

couple find a magic mirror the woman speaks into it mirror mirror on the door make my boobs hit the floor bam super double DD's man says my turn now mirror mirror on the door make my cock hit the floor bam his legs fall off

up
3 users have voted.
Dicks is the man's picture

Man comes home from work one night to find his wife in bed, naked. Without saying a word he creeps up to the cupboard and pulls it open. Standing in there is a man. "What the hell are you doing in my cupboard?" He yells. "Er, your wife called for a moth inspector, so I'm working." "But why are you stark naked?" He asks. "Oh, well let me tell you Sir, your moth problem is a serious one!"

up
3 users have voted.
boogerscaravan's picture

Man goes to the Doctor and says Doctor I keep thinking I'm a moth. You need the psychiatrist not me says the Doctor.........I know says the man.......I was on my way there, but your light was on....................!!!

up
5 users have voted.

When they get up in the morning? Cos they havnt got balls to scratch!!

up
5 users have voted.
andycarrollstyle's picture

How do you know if an elephant has been in your fridge? Check for footprints in the butter

up
3 users have voted.

After our winning streak,in the new year Sugo are thinking of changing our shirt sponsers,from Betway to Winalot.

up
3 users have voted.

There was a particularly nasty divorce case in the old Bailey last week. The main sticking point was custody of their seven year old. So the judge decides to ask the child's opinion.
- Mary, would you like to live with your mother?
- No.
- Why not?
- Because my mommy beats me
- ok then would you like to live with your daddy?
- No, he also beats me.
- Ok then who would you like to live with?
I'd like to live with Manchester United football club, 'cause they don't beat anybody.

up
4 users have voted.
mcbikeman's picture

Natalie

up
3 users have voted.

Brady reckons levy is jealous of us!!

up
2 users have voted.

©Copyright WestHamFans.org 2001-2018