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Excuse the Star Wars vernacular, but far far away, back in the day, Smoke and mirrors were the preferred method of communication used by the club to 'muddy the water' as Hammers fans sought clarity regarding the future of their beloved club. For a brief while that antiquated and unworkable approach was abandoned during what many now see as a halcyon period in time when the owners finally stopped living their business lives on media platforms and let the club progress with the minimum amount of negativity and fuss. Unfortunately the 'Dark Star' has returned!

No, not a set of new home and away replica survival kits to be flogged off to the next generation of lambs to the slaughter more commonly known as young West Ham fans. The 2nd part of the headline K.I.T.S!, which follows Panic attack, stands for 'Kretin in the Sky' the name used behind the back of Hammers second highest share owner by his subordinates and also his fellow shareholders, if rumours are to be believed.

Current West Ham supremo David Sullivan used to have a penchant for wearing his now politically incorrect Russian hat which is called a Ushanka, which rhymes with what many fans used to call him from the metaphorical terraces that adorn the as yet commercially unnamed Queen Elizabeth Stadium.