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In what has already been described as a desperate bid to attract the attention of Premier League clubs, Watford's Troy Deeney has been 'bigging up' his goal return compared to that of Hammers' Sebastien Haller and The Toons' Joelinton. “I definitely still see myself as a Premier League striker, I scored double figures last season on one leg, now I’m over my knee troubles. I’m back on two legs,” Deeney told his fellow 'gutter snipes' and bastions of honesty The Sun.

West Ham: Martin, Johnson, Diop, Ogbonna, Cresswell, Bowen, Noble ©, Lanzini, Fornals, Antonio, Haller Subs: Trott (GK), Fredericks, Masuaku, Balbuena, Coventry, Cullen, Wilshere, Snodgrass, Felipe Anderson, Xande Silva
Bournemouth: Archer, A.Smith ©, Rico, Mepham, Simpson, Stacey, Danjuma, Lerma, L.Cook, Stanislas, Solanke Subs: Dennis (GK), Gosling, Billing, Kilkenny, Jordan, Pugh, Ofoborh, Zemura, Anthony

Referee: Graham Scott

Having of late overseen some of the worst transfer dealings the club has ever experienced, the current owners are exploiting the lack of live fans in attendance by making 'cost cuttings' that resemble massive surgery! You have to give them some form of inverted praise for the way they have managed to alienate fans and players alike in equal measure, it appears that the unholy trinity of David Sullivan, David Gold and the 'Sun writer' are hell bent on revenge for having actually spent a few quid for a brief couple of years, entirely contrary to their usual business model.