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Forget James Tarkowski, Duje Caleta-Car and Wesley Fofana, the Hammers 'Comedy Show' are pleased to announce the impending arrival of none other than Watford's unwanted opening act, 'Les' Dawson! Now we know Panto season is just around the corner, and this year in particular it will be extremely difficult to put on a good show, however the Hammers hierarchy have searched long and hard for a 'fitting' centre back and are consequently looking forward to welcoming the 30 year old 'young at heart'.

Failing a last minute 'intervention' by one of the 'elite' clubs, or a club with a lot more dosh, Said Benrahma is due to become a West Ham United player, the 25 year old Algerian International is due to undertake a medical ahead of signing a five year deal. Depending on your news source the 'undisclosed' fee Brentford are to receive will be around £17 Million with another £8 Million in add ons, just in case by some weird chance the Irons get in to European competitions.

Typical West Ham, for a brief moment things looked rosy, or even Clarety, as David Moyes' new formation threatened to bring some joy to long suffering supporters, however just as our song says about dreams, "they fade and die", so the news that 'King' Authur Masuaku has been sent home from the DR Congo camp will be met with torrid acceptance. How dare fans dream of embarrassing other teams in the Barclays Premier League with Hammers' blistering new format and players that are able to carry out Moyes' master plan?