Suns out guns out

And so, summer is upon us.
My pen twitches as the rays seep above the wooden fence and tickle the edge of my coffee cup.
Working at home isn’t for everyone. Secluded, quiet, distractions. However, I embrace it with the fervour of a Radio 1 DJ at a talent contest in 1973.
The actions from the week are compiled, diaries and locations pinpointed for the following week.
Cursory checks made to see if child care is required.
Plans adjusted.
More coffee.
The red wine in the corner cabinet is winking at me.
FB checked. People intent on telling people that they are active, happy and “doing so much it’s hard to fit it all in”.
They lie of course.
Every household is one argument away from mass murder, but we must present a united façade. Much like the Conservative party. Or Loose women.
Or West Ham?
I’m still not convinced everything in our lady garden is rosy.
Im as happy as a Granny in the Everton area that Cheechy chichy choo is joining us (albeit I’m yet to see him holding the scarf aloft his head, smiling and counting the cash). It was also surprising to see East London give in to the demands of an Austrian.
Times really have changed.
Am I pleased by us gaining Hart? I liken it to a choice between sliced or uncut bread. One is slightly more appealing than other, but at the end of the day they all go mouldy and are fed to ducks.
Am I hard to please? That’s a question for my wife, however watching Twitter reaction with fevered interest really is a joy. The real head messes on there are frightening.
You think you know some mad people? Wow, follow some WHU feeds for a while (it’s a this stage I’d like to declare my survey that I circulated “How many minstrels can I fit under my foreskin? 1, 2 or 7?” was a light hearted joke. More importantly, 8 people actually voted. Now who’s the mad one….)
Reading on here one gains a slightly more balanced perspective (I reiterate “slightly”). But the fact remains, we still haven’t really shelled out much (in real terms). It seems a freebie, a loan and potentially 2 outright purchases have fans wetting themselves and declaring undying love.
Strangeness indeed.
I think the psychology here is “give them so little for so long, that any improvement is received with such fanatical appreciation, as to forget where you were in the first place”….maybe I’m unkind.
What I do care about is the quality of the squad.
Its painfully clear that if our fleet footed Argentinian love muscle is compromised in anyway, we lose 69% of our creativity.
Now will an Austrian MMA wannabe improve that? I’m not so sure. I see a focus here on brute strength and aggression, with little attention to sleight of hand or subtle touch. With Antonio on the other side, we should be winning the “stretch the arm shirt fabric to maximum” by a country mile.
And then there is the midfield.
With Cap’n Nobes entering his 56th season, we’ll doubtless be treated to more show reel footage of him eating pie n mash, polishing his Dads shoes etc. all highlighting what a “loyal” servant he is.
Those of us with eyes and a brain can see the diminishing flame, plodding frame and dwindling power. I really hope we rarely see him this year. If the midfield isn’t Wylie E and Pedro, someone is clearly not doing their job. Ill only judge when those players are available.
Finally the defence.
Have we ever had a good defence?
I don’t think so. And I’m going back to 1983 when I started attending.
Therefore, I care little about it.
Madness! You say. I care little for them either.
I digress.
A successful team is built on solid foundations. Indeed it is. Therefore that’s why I care little! My team have never enjoyed this nirvana. If the centre half can head the ball and run a bit I’m quite content.
Irrespective of how good a centre half you are, if Aguero or Sanchez run at you, you’ve had it. If Kane lines one up, you’ve had it. Thankless task. Therefore I care little.
The fullbacks? Slightly more interested. Only because they have to go forwards and backwards.
Currently Arthur Fucka is miles ahead of Aaron Watercress.
The lack of the latters confidence is still quite startling.
Arthur can’t defend for toffee, but he sure is fun rampaging forward and causing bedlam. An I’d rather pay to watch bedlam than George Graham teams.
On the other side, we have a winner…..The signing of Zorro is very welcome. A man who knows his job. Rare these days. Honest, liked by fans, fit. Quite a coup I feel.
I predict him being injured within the first 3 weeks of the season and not being seen again until Christmas.
I’m such a cup half full kinda guy…..
Well. Enjoy the summer months my C&B tinted friends.
Please feed the fish.