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The Flying Physio Room Summertime Special 2019 Part 2
Our legendary writer, the brilliant and outstanding Darren Harry, deemed to come down from his special planet and grace us with some of his unique observations that are believe it not related to West Ham United, here is part 2.
Thursday 27 July 2019…03:23….Santiago, Chile….Cool, damp, misty…air tinged with cigar smoke and distance car horns…Pell woke for the 2nd time. For the second time he took that well-worn path round the side of the bed to the bathroom. For the second time he fumbled in the dark, aimed in the general direction of the bowl and relaxed……..a few dribbles……”Is that it? Seriously?” Pell looked accusingly down at his withered member. It too was likely still asleep. The bladder is a cruel mistress. Pell returned to the 4 poster.
His wife snored blissfully unaware of his torment. Pell sat and rubbed his eyes.Taking one out of each socket at a time he polished them.These old faithful’s has seen much during his 66 years on this planet (although he’d rarely seen a less gifted technical player than Antonioe make it at the highest level, so it shows every day is a school day). Pell gave a squirt of WD40 into the sockets and replaced the old faithful’s to their rightful home. His brain was ticking now, as always happens when one is rudely interrupted in the night.
The defence had little room for manoeuvre budget wise but he really wanted to address it. Teams didn’t leak that amount of goals unless there is an issue there. Sure, Fabpantski had been incredible, but that made it slightly more worrying if he were injured. If his first choice paring were out, that became an Achilles heel, and Pell didn’t like that. The midfield was almost where he wanted it, a mixture of flair and guile. The rise of Dec had been a blessing. He cared little for protecting defenders and would rather attack, but the PL had proved you need insurance policies. Games went 95 minutes.
The forward line was now critical. He resolved to call Sully in the morning. He needed more ammunition. The much heralded sweet pea had become a Blackadder fan and was now one step away from wearing a pair of pants on his head and sticking a pencil up his nose. Arnie had more advisors than Trump and didn’t know what way was up let alone where the goal was. He needed a goal scorer and Sully needed to move heaven and earth to deliver. Whatever it took!
The Flying Physio Room Summertime Special 2019 Part 1
We at the Org are privileged to have one of our legendary writers, the brilliant and outstanding Darren Harry, deem to come down from his special planet and grace us with some of his unique observations that are believe it not related to West Ham United, we have split his original 'story' in to three digestible parts.
Friday 21 July…22:39…West London…spacious apartment, smell of old Etonians, brandy and brie…”Argh get off me!” came the strangled cry. When cornered and scared out of his wits, Joris Bohnson had a tendency to sound like a girl. Brody stood over him, stiletto in hand.
“Do not test me you stodgy fluffy haired prick. If you do not agree to this, I will make your life a living hell” Brody seethed above him “Get out of my flat” he squealed, Brody couldn’t help notice how these Etonians all had some link to the pig family…..Brody turned her attention to his laptop, his password “IluvTrum9” was so easy to work out it was scary. She scrolled through the history, it would be here somewhere
“Get off my laptop” Bohnson cried, the matted hair meeting tears, the snot dribbling down the puffy jowls. To think this sack of marshmallow will be leading the country soon….Brody looked scornfully up at the ceiling. She would make use of her abroad property more often, that was sure……until the time was right for her to move into position. She was one true leader. Forget West Ham (which she did for 97,8% of each working day) it was the country that needed her……..And then she found it.
“Ah……perfect” she announced. Taking the safe stick from inside her brassiere she slotted it into the USB slot and downloaded. “Leave me alone, get out!” exclaimed the mess on the floor once again. Brody turned the rather delightful shiraz sitting adjacent to the table. She poured and took a long slow gulp. Most pleasant. The download almost complete she turned to Bohnson and crouched, eye level. “You will do exactly as we agreed. You will act exactly as I have planned. You will be following everything I have detailed. If not, the contents of this safe stick will find its way to the press, MI5 and Scotland Yard. That’s if you live to see the enquiry. Do we understand each other?” Brody stood. “Well?!” she screeched. “Yes, yes, yes, now please for the love of God please go!” wailed Bohnson.
Safety stick removed, Brody poured the remaining wine over the laptop. As the keyboard fizzed, Brody turned and left. Bohnson, shivering, sweating, slowly got to his feet. He heard the noise from the wardrobe in the far room, damn, he had totally forgot he’d left him in there, what had he heard? Would this derail Brody’s plan? Staggering to the door and opening he saw Michael Govves eyes bulging.
The ball had been fastened inside his mouth for too long, added to the oppressive nature of the gimp suit and late mask. Bohnson ripped it off and Govve gasped for air before passing out. Bohnson laid him on the bed, patting his head “There there piggy, it’s OK, everything is fine”….Bohnson prayed it would be.
They always knew 'Genghis' was going to get them over the Lyndon Stadia debacle, somehow somewhere, they just didn't expect her to be his weapon of 'miss' destruction, et tu Brutina? - Ed
Not That Vieille Rengaine Again - Payet's Time Is Done!
Time to move forward not backwards, West Ham United progressed purposefully during Manuel Pellegrini's first season in charge leaving any fans hopeful for the coming year. So talk of the club re-signing Dimitri Payet seems a little of kilter, definitely not the sort of player that El Pel and the Huse, Mario Husillos, are looking to bring to the club, maybe last year, but not now.
Marseille are desperate to offload their top earners having failed to qualify for European competition, Payet is their highest earner on £115,000 per week and is available for as little as £6.5 Million, there are sure to be takers but Hammers shouldn't be one. During his time at the club Payet was mercurial, playing the best football of his life! Howevr that was then and this is now, Payet is a busted flush and it seems those in control of the club are of the same thought, so it was rather strange that the OS decided to tweet images of 'Payet's greatest hits'.
This is what happens when there is no real transfer news to talk about, but the webmaster needs to look at the content that is being uploaded and consider if it is productive, as far as we can see it isn't. Despite his brilliant performances during the early part of his tenure, the fact is Payet left the club and it's supporters in the lurch, irrespective of the reasons why he left, the fact is his departure had a lasting and damaging effect on the club and the players morale.
Good luck and good riddance, we don't have Payet! - Ed
Poll Reveals Declan Is Not For Sale At Any Price
In our recent poll as to whether the club should sell Declan Rice for £80 Million, an overwhelming 70 plus % of over 1,000 who voted elected to select No at any price. Perhaps a few years ago it would have been pointless to run such a poll because the player would already be on their way out of the door!
The club's determination to hold on to their best assets is beginning to change the way 'outsiders' view the club, ever since Terry Brown authorised the sale of Rio Ferdinand to Leeds United for what was a world record £18 Million for a defender, West Ham has been seen as a selling club. The unfortunate sales of Joe Cole, Frank Lampard, Michael Carrick and Glen Johnson following relegation merely compounded the situation.
Currently very few players want to leave the club, in fact there are many pleading to be given the opportunity to shine for Manuel Pellegrini and the 'grim reaper' of recruitment Mario Husillos. A dim viewing by the 'Huse' means farewell to the club, sooner or later which has had a 'galvanising' effect on the players, some even say it has helped them gain that 'extra yard' that top teams breed in to their players.
Fans shouldn't be that surprised by the turn around in West Ham United's recruitment and the club's desire to hold on to their best players, after all it is exactly why Pelegrini and Husillos were brought to the club, from the off Pellegrini's mantra has always been "West Ham United is a big club". Not selling Rice merely confirms the plan that has been put in place, that is not to say the club won't sell players, but it will be on terms dictated by the Irons, every player has his price however it appears that West Ham have finally been invited to the 'top table', an invitation only granted to those clubs who have resolve in the transfer market and don't just instantly capitulate when good offers come in.
Next season will be the second part of Pellegrini's three year plan which hopefully will set the club up for a European place, the season after that he wants the Champions league, an achievement that was tantalisingly close under Slaven Billic's first season. In Pelle fans must trust, he is a proper manager and doesn't feel uncomfortable mixing it with the big boys, so long as he is given the financial backing there is no reason why West Ham United shouldn't be right up there competing for major honours, Arsenal are a busted flush as are Manchester United, Hammers could profit while both of these Premier League dinosaurs go through the rebuilding process they desperately need.
Onward and upwards - Ed
Gomez And Rondon, Now You're Talking, Hammers Fans Ecstatic!
For every winner there is a loser, and West Ham United fans will be feeling they are currently winners as opposed to Newcastle United fans who will definitely feel as if they are on the losing side, at least in the short term!
Rafa Benitez's exit from Newcastle, while hardly being surprising, could not have come at a better time for West Ham as they try to get their summer business concluded as soon as is humanly possible. Speculation has been rife with regards the on off transfer of Maxi Gomez, however Hammers have been handed not one but two extra strings to their bow.
Benitez's departure means that any deal to bring Solomon Rondon back to the toon from West Brom will have been highly compromised, leaving Hammers in the driving seat to secure the 30 year old's signature. An additional benefit of acquiring Rondon is that Celta Vigo will start getting the jitters as to whether a club who has already acquired a new striker will actually need another, especially a player who's club is insisting on receiving 'full whack' in his transfer fee.
If the Hammers hierarchy sanction the move, then this really could see the club finally moving to the 'next level' fans have been promised but not really seen for years and years, watch this space!- Ed
Hammers And Pellegrini Prepared To Play The Long Game
Before the dust had even settled on the Barclays Premier League season West Ham United manager Manuel Pellegrini made it very clear which areas of the Squad needed strengthening, along with head of recruitment Mario Husillos they embarked on the transfer trail 'early doors'. The pair made it clear to the Hammers hierarchy that the goal keeping situation needed resolving, as did the need for an additional centre back, a creative midfielder was required as was an out and out striker.
The goal keeping situation was quickly resolved, and the creative midfield need has been filled by the arrival of young Spanish sensation Pablo Fornals. Hammers have been looking to the French and Spanish leagues because the club is relatively cash rich compared to it's European counterparts, there have been numerous defensive options rumoured by the Press but West Ham have plenty of options and plenty of time for who ever they eventually choose to arrive, expect an enormous amount of further press speculation in the coming weeks!
Adaptability and pragmatism are often the order of the day when it comes to multi million pound transfers, however one player El Pel and the Huse are determined to get is
Celta Vigo striker, Uruguayan Maxi Gomez, the 22 year old currently away on international duty at the Copa America. Celta Vigo have been playing hard ball over the transfer fee, and in the end Hammers may have to cough up almost all of Gomez's purported £42 Million release clause, but in the end they will get their target as they are prepared to play the long game! Having narrowly avoided relegation, Celta Vigo need the funds from the sale of Gomez to rebuild their team ahead of next season, it is just a question of when, not if they lose their resolve.The Gomez deal is set to linger on because of Uruguay's involvement in the Copa, the final of which is due to be held on the 7th of July in Brazil. The only worrying aspect is that certain stories have begun to emerge from France regarding Issa Diop, rumour has he may be 'sacrificed' in order to fund the Gomez deal, it is to be hoped that is exactly what they are, rumours. - Ed
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Thank You For Registering Your Vote
And Then There Was One-Gomez Suitors Fall Away
West Ham United's pursuit of Felipe Anderson last season was a departure from the club's usual way of doing business, the reason being that the negotiations were conducted in 'private' by Mario Husillos and Manuel Pellegrini. The deal took a long tome to get over the line, and indeed seemed like it would never happen on numerous occasions, but eventually the pair's determination to get their man paid off handsomely.
Likewise the club's pursuit of Maxi Gomez has taken a convoluted path, however as was the case with Anderson, the serious parts of the negotiations are being kept secret until the deal is successfully concluded. Of course things could go awry if another club came in to hijack the deal, and there is also the matter that Gomez would prefer to remain in Spain, however in modern football when money talks loyalty usually walks!
One by one the clubs who were 'linked' with approaches for the 22 year old Uruguayan striker have fallen by the way side, meaning sites like www.bestsportsbooks.co have reappraised the odds for whether West Ham will finish the new season by qualifying for Europe, essentially there are very few European based clubs that can afford the overall costs of the type deal that will be required to acquire the 'hit man's' services. At such a young age he has a guaranteed sell on value which is what teams who had been interested were bargaining on, however Hammers have the financial muscle to 'blow most competitors out of the water' and look as if they will be rewarded for their determination by finally landing the player they have shown 'extreme' interest in since way before the last transfer window.
Should Gomez arrive it will definitely see the departure of Javier Hernandez from the club, he has no shortage of suitors but his massive wages are a real problem with West Ham possibly having to pay part of his wages even when he has been moved on, or accept a paltry fee for the Mexican International who is no spring chicken at the age of 31. With Andy Carroll due to be released from his contract within the week and Lucas Perez already sold there will be a definite need for replacements, but quality rather than quantity seems to be the order of the day.
Rumours that West Ham are interested in signing 35 year old free agent Emmanuel Adebayour are a little frightening, and we believe are just 'click bait', we cannot envisage El Pel and the Huse undoing all the good work they have done in reducing the overall age of the squad by adding a player who is well past his prime, even if his prime was good at the time! Come in Maxi, your time is up! - Ed
Moron Gomez Release Clause Have Celta Blown It?
Maxi Gomez is Spanish club Celta Vigo's prize asset, and as such it is only to be expected that they will play hard ball when it comes to the player's sale, however Celta's insistence that the full release value of £42 Million be paid has put the brakes on two of his previous suitors moving for the talented Uruguayan.
The simple fact is other than Barca, Real and Atletico teams in Spain just do not have the resources to do battle with cash rich Barclays Premier League clubs, even West Ham United! It is not just a question of being able to pay the often exorbitant prices being quoted, but the wages that can be offered for relatively 'unproven' young players are astronomic compared to those on offer in mainland Europe and elsewhere, only the Chinese Super League can offer more but they are generally only interested in 'household' names.
As if to add to Celta's woes, West Ham has been offered the chance to sign 25 year old Spanish centre forward Loren Moron by Real Betis, a club Hammers have done business with in the past, the unfortunately named Moron is valued at £35 Million and Hammers were linked with a move for the player last summer but the player was advised to stay another season before countenancing a move, his release clause was increased and he was signed for another three years in order to bump up his eventual resale value.
Although Manuel Pellegrini and Mario Husillos are quite keen on bringing Moron to the London Stadium, neutral observers will whiff a hint of bluff in the negotiations for Moron and also of the recent interest in Callum Wilson, it seems these 'players of interest' are merely a side game to chip away at the Celta Vigo hierarchy.
It should be remembered how protracted the negotiations for Felipe Anderson were last season, on occasions it seemed that there wasn't a snow ball in hell's chance of the deal getting over the line, but it did in the end, who is to say that here will not be a similar positive outcome with the Gomez transfer? The situation has been further complicated by Gomez's appearances for Uruguay in the Copa America, any concrete move will have to wait until possibly July the 7th if Uruguay progress to the final stages.
Softly, Softly - Ed
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