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The appointment of Sam Allardyce as the new England manager is a little like fiction becoming life in a Mike Bassett sort of way, the FA have not countenanced messing with appointing a 'johnny foreigner; in the fall out of Roy Hodgson's disastrous competitive competition results, but have gone full belt and braces and might even play 4-4 effing 2!

Wednesday 20 July...London...14:18
The air foul and dank. The musky weave of scratching intermingled with stale gravy overpowering. The glooping odour of sweat deeply set in crevices long since washed. Body hair matted to skin in oily resin long since recognisable. The oversized mouth hung open, helpless, hopeless. The eyes gave a flicker but only the most positive of optimists would argue there was someone at home. The red and “white” scarf clinging to the flaps of skin around his neck was wet with the bile of anger and froth from the brown ale.

Having seen West Ham achieve two draws and two defeats so far in their friendlies, fans might be a little perplexed with the results, but the whole point of playing friendly matches is to prepare the team for the forthcoming 'serious and meaningful' fixtures ahead. As all the Austrian tour fixtures are being televised, it is safe to assume that those assistants who work for Conte of Chelsea, Hammers first opponents in the Barclays Premier League, and Guardiola at Manchester City Hammers third opponents, will have compiled DVD footage of what has been on show .