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Darren Harry has left the building, before his departure he left the third part of his tome regarding his rather strange West Ham United universe...
Thursday 27 July 2019…..11:50…..Epping…blue sky…breezy…warm….smell of weekend in the air…Sully hated working outside.

The glare of the sun on his laptop screen making email unreadable, the breeze blowing his paperwork everywhere, fly in his tea, bees hovering around his wagon wheel, but Mrs Sully was determined he should see some daylight. It wasn’t healthy the amount of time he spent in that office. She was resenting the business, the time that “bloody team” took away from their lives when they could be cruising around the Bahamas. If it wasn’t the laptop it was that bloody phone!

He was at it again, she knew he was scheming something as his toes were moving up and down in his sandals (visible through his socks). “So you think that’s a goer? I mean, I know they wont like it, but ‘ow else do they think we’re gonna buy all these bloody players, I just reduced my margins last year. People wanna live in the real world, see ow 'ard it is to make a ‘pand note. Right, yeah, I’ll wheel ‘im out. He dunno what day of the week it is ‘eel say anything. Yeah I’ll get some old players that are brassic to endorse it too, they’ll do anything to get a round of applause these days. Yeah, do it. With all the Brexit, PM stuff up in the air this’ll not get much heat. Ta’dah”.

With that Sully snapped the phone shut. “Whatch’yew scheming naw? I know that look” enquired Mrs S“Not for you to worry about my sweetness and light, dontchew wurry ya pretty little ‘ed. Now, I’ve gotta go and see the ol’ boy”. Sully jumped up and meandered his way inside his palatial residence, he was proud of what he’d built. The last few months had seen Sully had to make a tough call, his partner in crime, Guld, nearing his 100th birthday, was growing wearier by the day.

Sully had to keep him onside though, as the face of the club, the ones the fans could relate to, Sully had moved him in to Chez Sully to ensure he could manage his daily routine, keep a close eye on what he said, and monitor his twitter usage. He found him caught in the curtain in his bedroom, “Ah, come ‘ere old sausage, whatcha up to!” laughed Sully a dazed and confused Guld emerged from the fabric, hair like Don King “I lived at 442 Green Street you know!” croaked Guld, “Yeah yeah, we all that that one me old mucka” sighed Sully, he sat him down on the edge of the bed.

“Now, ya know ‘ow much we love West’am dontcha, you and me” Sully calmly worded his delivery, “EEEyyyy up the ‘ammers!” exclaimed Guld, “Yes, quite, anyway, ya know how I always have their best interests at heart” continued Sully, Guld remained quiet……he’s probably tired thought Sully. “Anyway, I’ve a new plan to generate more money, we can buy better players, become top 4, champions league! You’d like that wouldn’t you old mate?!”Sully over enthused, “I used to live at 442 Green Street” replied Guld, “I know ya did mate, I know. Now, all I need you to do is read this bit of paper, and we can go over it a few times, then you can tell all the nice people of West’am how this will make us the best team in the land? Capeesh?”

Sully handed him the paper, Guld looked down “Oxygen tax – London stadium 2019-20” -

You couldn't make it up, could you? Or could you? - Ed

Our legendary writer, the brilliant and outstanding Darren Harry, deemed to come down from his special planet and grace us with some of his unique observations that are believe it not related to West Ham United, here is part 2.

Thursday 27 July 2019…03:23….Santiago, Chile….Cool, damp, misty…air tinged with cigar smoke and distance car horns…Pell woke for the 2nd time. For the second time he took that well-worn path round the side of the bed to the bathroom. For the second time he fumbled in the dark, aimed in the general direction of the bowl and relaxed……..a few dribbles……”Is that it? Seriously?” Pell looked accusingly down at his withered member. It too was likely still asleep. The bladder is a cruel mistress. Pell returned to the 4 poster.

His wife snored blissfully unaware of his torment. Pell sat and rubbed his eyes.Taking one out of each socket at a time he polished them.These old faithful’s has seen much during his 66 years on this planet (although he’d rarely seen a less gifted technical player than Antonioe make it at the highest level, so it shows every day is a school day). Pell gave a squirt of WD40 into the sockets and replaced the old faithful’s to their rightful home. His brain was ticking now, as always happens when one is rudely interrupted in the night.

The defence had little room for manoeuvre budget wise but he really wanted to address it. Teams didn’t leak that amount of goals unless there is an issue there. Sure, Fabpantski had been incredible, but that made it slightly more worrying if he were injured. If his first choice paring were out, that became an Achilles heel, and Pell didn’t like that. The midfield was almost where he wanted it, a mixture of flair and guile. The rise of Dec had been a blessing. He cared little for protecting defenders and would rather attack, but the PL had proved you need insurance policies. Games went 95 minutes.

The forward line was now critical. He resolved to call Sully in the morning. He needed more ammunition. The much heralded sweet pea had become a Blackadder fan and was now one step away from wearing a pair of pants on his head and sticking a pencil up his nose. Arnie had more advisors than Trump and didn’t know what way was up let alone where the goal was. He needed a goal scorer and Sully needed to move heaven and earth to deliver. Whatever it took!

Time to move forward not backwards, West Ham United progressed purposefully during Manuel Pellegrini's first season in charge leaving any fans hopeful for the coming year. So talk of the club re-signing Dimitri Payet seems a little of kilter, definitely not the sort of player that El Pel and the Huse, Mario Husillos, are looking to bring to the club, maybe last year, but not now.

Marseille are desperate to offload their top earners having failed to qualify for European competition, Payet is their highest earner on £115,000 per week and is available for as little as £6.5 Million, there are sure to be takers but Hammers shouldn't be one. During his time at the club Payet was mercurial, playing the best football of his life! Howevr that was then and this is now, Payet is a busted flush and it seems those in control of the club are of the same thought, so it was rather strange that the OS decided to tweet images of 'Payet's greatest hits'.

This is what happens when there is no real transfer news to talk about, but the webmaster needs to look at the content that is being uploaded and consider if it is productive, as far as we can see it isn't. Despite his brilliant performances during the early part of his tenure, the fact is Payet left the club and it's supporters in the lurch, irrespective of the reasons why he left, the fact is his departure had a lasting and damaging effect on the club and the players morale.

Good luck and good riddance, we don't have Payet! - Ed

For every winner there is a loser, and West Ham United fans will be feeling they are currently winners as opposed to Newcastle United fans who will definitely feel as if they are on the losing side, at least in the short term!

Rafa Benitez's exit from Newcastle, while hardly being surprising, could not have come at a better time for West Ham as they try to get their summer business concluded as soon as is humanly possible. Speculation has been rife with regards the on off transfer of Maxi Gomez, however Hammers have been handed not one but two extra strings to their bow.

Benitez's departure means that any deal to bring Solomon Rondon back to the toon from West Brom will have been highly compromised, leaving Hammers in the driving seat to secure the 30 year old's signature. An additional benefit of acquiring Rondon is that Celta Vigo will start getting the jitters as to whether a club who has already acquired a new striker will actually need another, especially a player who's club is insisting on receiving 'full whack' in his transfer fee.

If the Hammers hierarchy sanction the move, then this really could see the club finally moving to the 'next level' fans have been promised but not really seen for years and years, watch this space!- Ed